Pacific Renewal

So it’s week two of working and it’s also day off number two of this week. And since yesterday was the day of laziness and oversleeping, today is by default a day of introspection, reflection, and regression via the viewing of some of my favorite romantic comedies from high school.

Currently showing: How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, featuring the incomparable talents of Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. Probably each them consider this the highest moment of his or her career.

….or not.

Still, this movie has a special place in my heart. You see, when Mom and I moved to New York, we transported the contents of a five bedroom, two-level house into a one-bedroom apartment. Thankfully the place had 11 foot ceilings, because we literally had to pile the boxes clear to the ceiling. The couch was on its side for a week and the day we found the television, we celebrated. Of course, we had no place to sit and watch said television. But as soon as we were able to put the couch down, we decided it was time to watch that sucker. Of course, this also presented a problem. The walls were still all blocked so there was no way to hook up cable or even try to get a signal on an antenna. Plus, while we had found the DVD player, we couldn’t find the DVDs. Quite a pickle.

Thankfully, walking down Broadway that Sunday, I saw that the new release, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, was on SALE for $10! (Clearly they knew that it was gonna be a big seller.)

So over the course of the next week and a half before we finally found the box of DVDs, I must have watched this movie 20 times.

It truly was a magical time in my life.

So, anyway, as I’ve been watching this movie I’ve been thinking about that summer, when I was in New York, with my mom in a one bedroom apartment in a strange city. I knew no one and I had three months before I started school at what I hoped would be a dream come true.

This prompted me to pull down my journal from that first summer through that first year. As proven by my blogging abilities, I’ve never been the most consistent diarist. But reading this diary just brings back all the feelings I was going through at that point and how uncertain I was. And I don’t know what to think about this, but the similarities here are kind of eerie. New place, no friends, one bedroom apartment with my mother, uncertain possibilities, and most of all an overwhelming sense of being at loose ends.

My dreams, of course, have changed. My diaries from high school are filled with angst about agents and auditions, weight and hair color, scales and monologues. The dreams I held at that point were very clear: Broadway, musical theater, fame. Now the dreams are way more vague. Something in theater? Something creative? Moving to Oklahoma and pursuing my dream of becoming Ree Drummond? Honestly, at this point, I just want to perfect my smoky eye technique.

But at least this time, even though I don’t have any friends here with me, I do have plenty of friends in far away places supporting me. And they, as I have recently been told, are wishing “kickass” things for me. So that’s definitely a step in the right direction.

Also I have a puppy. This makes all things better. And even if I may need a little bit longer to settle into this new situation, she seems to be fitting right in, as I discovered last night when I walked into my mother’s bedroom and found all the other residents of this apartments conspiring against me: